Hi everyone. Finn here with my Week 3 report. I’ve implemented my next phase of mind control on these hoomans. I like to randomly bark and growl at nothing in the corners of rooms and in the dark outside. I go full stripe-up, growl, and freak out with anxiety. This makes The Squishy One anxious about ghosts, and she tries to distract me with treats and toys. #Sucka
Speaking of The Squishy One, I gave her 24 hours of full Finn-favorite status. She lapped it upppp! There was so much cuddling and kissies. It showed The Hairy One what life can be like if he doesn’t work hard to maintain his status with me. He got several side-eyes and didn’t like it. Now I’m back to ignoring her and only loving The Hairy One. #ItMakesHerWantMeMore
What fresh hell is this thing she calls an “electric toofsbrush”? Why would she put that dangerous thing INTO her mouf?! She knows I can’t save her because she does it in that terror-room where I can’t go (ever since that bathtub incident). #HighRiskBehavior #YoureOnYourOwnLady
I went to K9 Camp three days this week and loved it. I play all day with lots of dogs and get to make out with whoever I want. My ex-girlfriend Kai threw me lots of shade this week because now I’m with a brindle babe and Kai is jealous. I looove the owner, Scott (aka my main man, my brutha from anutha mutha, my homie). Sometimes when my hoomans pick me up I run back to Scott and act like I’m not happy to see them and don’t wanna leave. <insert evil laugh> They are so easy to mess with. #HesAlreadyTalkingAboutMakingMeAssistantManager
My constant screaming and wailing in that travel crate finally paid off. The hoomans got me a seatbelt harness that I like a lot better. It’s much easier to supervise them from the backseat. #Winning
Last night I got to wear sweatpants like just my bestie, The Hairy One. We hung out awhile in our matching sweats to make The Squishy One jealous. #ItWorked
It’s hard to believe it’s only been 3 weeks since I got assigned these freaks. Training is going well because I’m an excellent teacher.
Stats of the week:
– Water sprays to the face: 3
– Poops inside the house: 1
– Rides in the car: 10
– Toys disemboweled: 2
That’s all the news and #Finnanigans from this week. Over and out.